How PAP will win the next general election in 2015/2016 (Episode 4): A False Hope

Just before the elections, or just after the grand SG50 celebration in 9th August 2015, the next general election date will be announced. Suddenly, your bank accounts are being topped up with dividends straight from Marina Bay Sands! Suddenly, Chinese New Year comes earlier than expected:

财神到!@#$%^…

财神到我家大门口!@#$%^…

迎财神 接财神 把财神投到PAP里头

Song translation:

Wealth-deity is here! Dong-dong-Qiang!(sound)

Wealth-deity enters my house! Dingdong-dingdongQiang!

Welcome Wealth-deity, give me money, I vote for PAP!

Next, government announces that fuel, food prices and rents will be frozen for the next 6 months! Government-linked companies and civil service suddenly declare additional dividends and bonuses for their employees! There is more! Utility bills suddenly nose-dive to record low levels, coupled by addition U-Save vouchers. Even my new citizen neighbour gets it as well!

Heh there is still more! Ministers and Mps suddenly appear in your estate and actually come up to your house and actually listened to what you have to say! Newspapers suddenly publish news that the government is intending to change all anti-Singaporean policies! Lee Xiao Loong really meant it! He will be staging a rally to do more than saying sorry. He is going to cry!

“MORE SYMPATHY VOTES PLEASE! WE ARE ALL IN IT TOGETHER! YOU JUMP, I WATCH. YOU DIE YOUR PROBLEM!!!”

By election time, 1 million new ‘temporary’ citizens will be flown in from China, India and JB(borrowed). These ‘temporary citizens’ may be converted to ‘permanent citizens’ if they pass the ‘voting’ exam! A record number of PRs will be converted to citizens too as well.

Summon aunties and uncles will be taking their much needed annual leave during this crucial period while appeals and assistance from relevant authorities will be granted quickly and efficiently.

Election Aftermath

The Pappies will either win or lose. Perhaps the probability of losing will be much lower. If the Pappies win, MPs and ministers will suddenly disappear from your estates and air lifted to the Maldives for their much needed holidays. Fuel, food and living costs will then continue to creep up again. Utilities suddenly increase and public transport break down again!

Alternatively, if the Pappies ever loses, wha… can’t imagine what may happen. Perhaps, round 2 of ISA, reducing the opposition candidates or Workers’ party join Pappies to form a coalition. Low Thia Kiang could become a deputy prime minister.

If ever the opposition garner enough mandate to form government. I suspect a thai-styled military coup may soon ensue. Singapore will no longer remain a democratic nation but a true Lee-monarchy.

Good luck Singaporeans, vote wisely. Every vote counts. The end.

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